Why Taking Steps Back Might Actually Mean You’re Growing

This episode turned into a really honest conversation about sensitivity, confidence, weird energy, and learning not to absorb every opinion people throw at you. I talk about negative interactions I’ve had lately, walking into rooms like you belong there, protecting your ideas, and why growth sometimes feels like taking steps backwards before moving forward again.

Also probably one of my most unfiltered episodes yet 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Guys, hello. Welcome back to Busy Girl Era. I'm trying to like force myself to be more energized because right now I'm not energized. Honestly, I haven't left the house all day. If you are watching on YouTube, I am in my cave, also known as my room right now, and I wanted to switch it up a little bit. I'd like to say that I just wanted to switch it up for the aesthetic, but honestly, it's freaking hot outside. It's like 90-something degrees, and it just makes me really angry when it's warm, where it's just makes me really upset. I get really pissed off, and yeah, it affects my mood a lot and it gives me headaches. So that's a cool little uh rant to start the episode with, but welcome back. I'm so glad that you guys are here today, and I'm excited for today's episode. I've been going back and forth on what I wanted today's episode to be about. I forgot to put a poll out on the last one or a little questionnaire of what you guys want to see, but I'll be doing that next. So if there's an episode idea that you guys want to hear from me, please let me know and tell me on my Instagram and we can dive into that. I love getting your guys' questions and feedback from the podcast. Also going over, going over who am I right now? I'm in like presentation mode, which I I'll get to that in a second, but we're not there yet. We are friends, we are yapping. Yeah, I don't know what that was about, but I love hearing what your guys' like reviews are, feedback, any and all feedback. I really do enjoy it. So yeah, let's dive into today's episode. I don't know how to start this episode besides saying, well, you guys probably already know. If you've listened to literally any episodes already, you can probably gather this girl's sensitive, this girl being me. And I know that I know that I'm a really sensitive person, but I feel like this past week has made me reflect a lot on just how sensitive I am, and then also it feels like a lot of sensitive tests have come my way. Just my interactions with people, I'm really questioning a lot how I should handle certain situations. I'm watching myself online right now, and I just realize online am I 80 on my phone and I haven't brushed my hair today, and it's okay. We're just going for it. Yeah, I've been leaving a lot of interactions feeling a little drained by them. And I don't like that. I hate when someone is feeding me negative energy and I let it get to me. And lately, I really have been letting it get to me, which I preach in so many other, so many other episodes. There's only been a few. In so many other episodes, I always say that, you know, pluck those other people's energies off of you, like physically think of yourself removing them, don't let them get to you, force positive thoughts in your head. But in reality, I feel like maybe it's this is like a test for me because I have been pushing that stuff out so much, and I I do believe and I do follow it, but sometimes it's really not enough, and people are gonna continue to test you, which kind of brings me to this overall theme of today's episode. I'm really excited for the end. I have like this like breakthrough moment that came to me two days ago, I think, two or three days ago, and I'm really excited to share with you guys and hope that someone resonates with it. But my ADHD brain is jumping ahead. There's just been certain circumstances that I feel like have been building and building and building of different people. It's not even the same interaction. I feel like well, we'll just start with a story. So I was at say a meeting. I feel like if I give any details at all, I don't ever want anyone to find out who any of these people are in it. Except for one of them. One of the stories, I kind of hope someone does find out who they are. When it all started, this episode idea came to me when dealing with someone who honestly pissed me off. I swear this is more than a rant session, but well, actually you'd be the judge of that. It all started when I was at an appointment, a meeting, a something. And I was wearing my amethyst bracelet. And I really am big into crystals. I am a crystal girly. I don't look at them thinking like this crystal is going to change my life, but I do enjoy learning about like the science and physics behind everything is really cool to me, especially when it's dumbed down for me to understand. And I really like that about crystals that they vibrate at certain frequencies, can help raise your energy and uh raise your vibration. I think all that's really cool. Like there's science behind it. So already anything like quote woo-woo that people diss right away pisses me off because like how are you gonna go into this? I go into this, how are you gonna live being so closed-minded? Like we live on a floating rock. I just don't understand how anyone puts anything down, anything down, like aliens, sure, you know, like manifesting, absolutely. I just don't understand people coming into it with negative energy. Okay, I'm skipping ahead though. Anyway, at this appointment, and this girl complimented my bracelet, and she was like, That's that's cool. I is that amethyst? And I was like, Oh yeah, and I kind of got excited being like, Oh, she's gonna she's a crystal girl. Like, this is I just love talking about those topics with people. And I was I was so excited, I was like, Yeah. And she's like, Oh, I used to believe in that stuff, and that just really like rubbed me the wrong way, I guess. And maybe I overthought a little bit too much. I I think it was just because I kind of hyped up the conversation in my head. Like when she said that, I was like, Oh, cool, we're about to like get into like some cool crystal talk right now. And then she said that and I was like, Oh, which side note I think is just stupid. Because like, you don't believe in science? Like, I don't I don't go like, what do you mean you used to used to believe in it? I don't know. People say things like that, it pisses me off. But yeah, that was like at the beginning of this appointment, and I set the tone for the rest of the appointment, and then it was kind of just silent for a little bit. So that kind of rubbed me the wrong way, and I hated that I left feeling insecure about my love for crystals. That's such a baby minuscule part of the episode, but that is like where this feeling of being when someone's energy comes at you and it's just not meeting your expectations of like what you hope for and how to I'm not gonna give you guys a how-to, I'm just gonna give you how to get out of that energy when they force like negative energy on you like that. That's kind of an aggressive word, but I think you guys know what I mean. But it's more just like share my experience with it, how I've handled it, my thoughts on it, and also I would love to hear your guys' feedback too. Like, if while I'm saying this, you're like, girl, you're in the wrong there, or literally anything, like hit me with it. I know I just went on a rant of how sensitive I am, but I am open to any and all. But yeah, I just didn't like how I left that appointment feeling insecure about that, or that I let it get to me. But this week really just felt like a masterclass in weird energy from people. It also made me reflect on similar instances like this because I think a lot of the times I react calm, but on the inside I'm like, well, that was f ⁇ ing rude. But I still hate that I even am that negative on the inside. And I realize it stemmed from all these other, like past bigger things that have been happening and going on in my life. But that was cool to figure out, and I thought that was a cool thing to know because I was like, well, if I'm feeling this way, surely other people out there are facing the same thing where maybe we are overreacting about a situation as small as this girl dissing our crystal bracelet that actually stems from something else. We're working our way backwards. That moment led to me being a bitch and having these negative thoughts in my head, and being like, how rude, what does this girl know? Blah blah blah blah blah. I didn't like that I was thinking that way of this random girl who I just met. A similar-ish situation happened a couple days later. I was at another meeting, and someone was talking to me about content creation. And honestly, usually I'm kind of used to people talking down about creating content. This person was not, they were hyping it up, saying how cool it was. Well, and then they started asking what my plan was with content. And I told them as I love doing it. Like I can't imagine that I'll ever stop doing it because it just really like fulfills the creative like itch inside of me. It's so fun to create any all content. I have such a fun time doing it and thinking of new video ideas, new podcast episodes. It's all so it's also like just really fun for me. And then they said, Is that all you want to do though? Like, is there anything else? And they weren't putting it down, but I was like, Oh yeah, I'm also developing a line of these canned lattes. And immediately they shot it down, which I wasn't expecting to go in a full-on conversation. It was most like a content meeting that we were having, but they started telling me how hard it was. They're like, Oh, I don't think you should do that. I think you should stick to content. And I was like, Great, thank you, thank you for that. And I have talked about this in past episodes before of I am not going to take advice from someone that's not in a position that I aspire to be in. And even if they are, I'm also taking their advice with a grain of salt. But it still sucks be hit with that much negativity. It's like, how am I supposed to respond in this moment when this person is just like diminishing one of my main goals in life right now to come out with this coffee line? I don't like that anyone feels it necessary to tell me, oh, that's really scary. Like, thank you. Goodbye. It's just like it's not, it's not helpful. And also, if people view this risk of mine of starting this business as stupid, I think it just says more about their mindset of where they're at. And it was especially crazy coming from this person because they're not in that line of work at all. Like it was just complete opposite. So it was just it was really freaking strange. I just feel like it started building inside of me because I kept just pushing it down and being like, well, just be positive, Maya, and forcing myself to think positive. Like sometimes, sometimes you can't do that, you know? And I've said before, there are some days it just gets like rough if someone does hit you with a lot of negative energy where I'm like, Well, shoot, I just gotta cry it out for a little bit. But moments like this that are so minuscule, but I didn't realize that they just like build and build over time. Incident number three. This one. Ugh. This one was even debating, I kept going back and forth in my noggin if I was going to talk about this at all, because I I didn't want to give the person in this story any limelight at all at first. But then I was like, actually, no, I think it is really important to talk about this experience. Because again, if I'm having it, I know that there's so many other people out there that are trying to put themselves out there and getting matched with like the opposite energy that they're trying to attract into their life. I got asked to speak, I won't say where, but if you follow me, you can probably figure it out. I got asked to speak at this event, and I have been getting opportunities like this kind of a lot from little things to I did like a celebrity reader day at a an elementary school in town. That was so cool, and just little just random things where people come and ask me to speak, little career days, and it's awesome to share like what I do, my journey with kids, people of all ages, college students. Like, I had such a good time doing it, and sharing any advice that I can give. My last episode was really about like confidence hacks that I use to get over my fear of public speaking and what I do to walk into rooms with more confidence. All those things I still stand by. I yeah, I stand by everything I said, obviously. It was like a week ago. Again, I just feel like I was being tested, or like, oh, the universe was like, you you say that stuff? Well, what if we throw this at you? Incident number three. I put together this adorable little presentation. I even asked them before because some people want me to come and speak on my content journey. Other people asked me to come speak on my coffee journey and what I've learned so far. Which that one already, I get a little insecure when I do speak about my coffee journey because I think it's so much easier to speak about a journey when you're at the end of it. And when you're like, oh, I have this product that I came out with. La-da-da, this is amazing. And then here's my success story. It's a lot harder to go out and present when you are like in the thick of the process, you know? But I still think it is a really good thing to do. And not only is it good for just like building connections with people, I think unselfishly, it's really cool to share the process with people. Like no matter what, at the end of the day, I know that I do have advice that I have learned from starting this business that can be really helpful to anyone who's starting a business or even just thinking about it. So I make my little presentation and they say we want a little mixture of everything from content to your busy bean journey to whatever you want to present on. I was like, okay, cool. So I put together presentation, having fun doing it, and it comes presentation day. And I always get a little nervous before, but I will say this is the least nervous that I have felt because again, like I mentioned in the last episode, once I'm presenting about something that, you know, I know, like this is the topic of basically of my life from how I got started in content. Like I've been doing that, making silly YouTube videos since I was a wee baby child. So I was really looking forward to talking about that and then also how it's turned into this coffee journey that I'm on now. And presentation was going pretty well. There weren't wasn't like a whole lot of people there. It actually makes me more nervous. Am I the only one who feels that way? If there's like five people in a room, I will be so much more nervous than if there's 50. Like, like you can actually see everyone's faces, and my brain just starts going crazy. Like, I don't like it. I'd rather like give me a TED talk. I don't I don't like speaking to um only a few people. It's too intimate and it scares me. Anyway, it was pretty intimate. I'm presenting. I e and I like people asking questions while I present too. So I'm telling them about the storm if you guys have any questions or if anything's unclear you want to know more about, let me know. Going over things, getting like pretty good feedback, and then I was heckled at the very end of the presentation. Said, okay, any more questions? And there was someone there who was really mean to me and talking down to me. I would just be talking and he would cut me off. There was another thing he said. Oh, he asked about any success stories uh that I've seen. And I shared with him one of the success stories that I've seen of someone I know and how cool it is, and now they're doing all these amazing things, and then he cut me off again and was like, Is that the only one you know? I was like, Well, damn. Um, I was like, Yeah, I mean, on top of my head right now, that's the only one I can think of in that category. He's like it, like while it was happening, I wanted to escape. Like, I remember like him saying these things, and I was like, I can't believe this little nugget is saying all these things to me right now. He he just kept talking down to me in my head while it's happening. I'm like, this is funny. Like, that's like that's a lie. There's a mixture of things going on in my head. I knew, like, like I'm going to laugh about this later. Like, while it was happening, I was like, I cannot wait to tell my boyfriend about this. I can't wait to tell my mom about this. I can't wait to hear everyone's reactions about this boy. I am supposed to be giving these people advice, and he's just talking down about the advice that I'm giving. Keep in mind, this is a free thing. No one paid for me to come and speak. Like I was just thought it'd be a nice, cool thing. And also, while this is happening, I'm I'm dead staring at him, but he's looking down. So I'm just like waiting for him to lock eyes on me because my face is like blank. It's just like what the actual f happening right now. I'm just staring, I'm just staring at him, thinking, what am I supposed to do right now? Because also what's so hard about that is like I am not a naturally calm person. Anyone that knows me might even go as far as say, like, I'm pretty hot-headed. And especially, especially when it's coming from a man, because you just don't talk to a woman like that. But no, no, how how am I supposed to react in this moment right now? I can't just go cussing out this kid. Also, he's not even a kid. I keep saying kid, but I don't know, maybe that just makes me feel a little bit better. He's not looking at me, and then I start looking around at other people because I'm like, someone else give me some sort of sign that this is not normal. And I think that's another thing with like being a really highly sensitive person, is it's so easy for us to convince us that it's all in our head. Like I left that room thinking, did I do something wrong? Was I did I not answer his question fully? And I even said to him after he was like, Well, you don't seem to know the answers to my questions, I was like, Was there a part of your question that I didn't answer? Genuinely confused, because I thought I had to answer the question. I was like, was there a part of it? And he's like, Uh, it's no, it's never mind, forget it. And I was like, Okay, this is weird. And I had no idea how to handle that situation. I honestly didn't even mind the uncomfortable silence. Oh, I think my cat's gonna hop up here. Yep. If you're watching online, say hello to Ellie. If you're watching online, why do I keep saying that? Ugh Getting a word myself. Ellie, anything you want to say to the people? There you have it. I will say I am proud of how I did handle the situation, which even then is hard. Like what I said was, yeah, like that is what I said. I was like, is there a part of your question I didn't answer? He said that and I was like, okay. I was like, is there any any others? And then I think I answered like one or two more, and then we kind of wrapped up everything and I took off. But it did suck because I did leave for a second thinking, like, what did I what did I do wrong? And I think that is something not only as sensitive people, just as women, it's so almost like second nature to think that you messed up in a way and did something wrong. I'm finishing up answering questions. I'm like, okay, well, I need to not look like that affected me, even though it really did. Am I in the wrong? I can't even think about that right now. I have all these thoughts going on in my head, and then as I'm walking back to my car, I'm just completely over like overthinking those thoughts again and again and thinking how I should have responded or what I could have done differently. Did I not answer his question? I'm second-guessing myself over and over and over again. And I hated that. Afterwards, I did tell my family about it, and they matched me with the energy that I knew that they would have, which I love. They were like, that's crazy. What a little weirdo. Why would he do that? So like something's gotta be going on in his life. And I agree, that's just so much like it's easy to say that, but it's just hard to come to terms with that. Because yeah, like that is the case because happy people don't treat people that negatively, but it still just like sucks to happen to you, and it sucks because I feel like me giving a presentation, like at that moment, I am looked at as an example or hear some like advice to follow. Like, I'm giving different tips and advice out, so it just sucks. Like, I just feel like there was so much pressure on me of how to handle a situation like that. And again, I really am open to hearing responses on what you guys would have done. Like, if you are giving a presentation, a pitch, anything, and someone starts like you know, low-key heckling you in a not funny way, how do you handle that? You know, like what what is I think it's like such a debatable topic, but I would love to know what you guys think is like the right move of what I should have done or what you would do if you were in that situation too. The next day I got a message of people that had hosted me, and they apologized for his behavior and sent me like a really nice message, and I wasn't sure what to say at first because I understand that it was an awkward moment for everyone. So I think them sending me that message too, it was like another reminder for me to not assume. I say that so much, like it really is a sign to never assume, like we don't know what's going on in other people's heads, and now looking back at that, I can look at it from a different lens of these the people in there that were giving me what I thought was blank faces was just them being equally as uncomfortable as me. And I'm sure there is a parallel universe out there where I did cuss him out. But I'm glad I didn't waste that extra energy on him. When I messaged back to them, I didn't want to be like, yeah, he was weird, girl. Like so I really was appreciative of the apology, but I was like, yo, you guys have nothing to be sorry about. Like they even said that like they were uncomfortable by it, and I was like, I in my head, I'm just like, I'm just sorry that he's a part of this at all. Like I feel bad for them. I only had to see him once, like they probably have to see him way more than me. But I really wanted to let them know, and I did, that this is more of a reason for why we do need more women entering business fields, giving presentations, giving advice, because there's always going to be some little nugget that wants to tear you down just for the sake of tearing you down. I'm like, I I think so many people that see women walk into a room and mistake their confidence for a big ego. And honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if uh that's what keeps happened to me lately. I just wish that people knew. It's not even like this extreme amount of confidence that I do have, it's just the fact that I'm so I'm just genuinely so excited to be sharing any of this knowledge with anyone that is interested in it because all these tools and knowledge that I have learned from content to anything business related has been so hard for me to figure out. So, like I've said before, where if I have a post that or reel that flops, as long as it helped or made someone laugh, even if it's just one person, like that is a win. That is success. So that is like what I included in the message too. I was like, I'm so happy to hear that you guys liked it and got, you know, something out of it. That is my main goal just like if one person gets anything out of this I will help them in the long run then that's a win. But it also did make me think I was like gosh why is it so much uh easier to believe these negative things that we are told than the positive things? Like I've been I have gotten so many compliments from on starting a business taking that leap and I just I even though it is a risk people hyping me up for it. I'm like why don't those things stick with me? It's it's so sad. I hate that the negative things are just way easier for our brains to absorb. I'm just thinking would I have been talked to like that if I was giving the same advice but I was a man you know honestly probably not this guy probably wouldn't have even dared to say something like that. So just even as much as it sucks for me I'm also kind of thinking it thinking it I'm also kind of thinking it I'm also kind of thinking of it of like that is setting the path okay well that sounds like I do have a huge ego. I don't mean that I'm this trailblazer that's just setting the path and no one else has been a woman business founder before me. But I do think like the more women and girls that we do have in these businessy fields and starting their own businesses like does we all help set the way of other women owned businesses that come after us, you know, that all that don't get the same respect that other men do. It's just so annoying like on all levels. It sucks to be getting it on a professional level of when I deal with copackers and other types of pe people in my field that like I actually need their help. But it's just like another thing to get it from someone who you are presenting to and trying to offer free advice to it's like wow you're already not respecting me. But yeah it really is just another sign of why we have to keep doing this. It's also just like so sucky and sad though because it makes you realize how far we are from equality on that level. I don't want this to seem like it's a Maya hates men podcast episode. I was even debating making a whole episode out of it because there's so many layers to it and realizations I had in this moment and it was such a big stepping stone in my business journey and also my confidence journey. And I swear this will all tie in to something my main point at the end. This isn't just like a Maya rant session like I said. But if you are enjoying the rant let me know because boy do I got more. So when I was still searching for a copacker this was a long time ago probably like last year I found out about this place locally opening it up and they were going to do the packaging that I'm doing or sorry that I was going to do I got super excited I was like oh oh my gosh like this feels like a sign from the universe like I need a copacker this co-packer shows up as having this grand opening and I hear about this grand opening I'm like I need to be there I need to be there so I can you know meet with like the salespeople however the heck it works like I really I s I knew even less than I know now and I still don't know a lot but I was like okay this is awesome like I'm going to crash the grand opening not really and start making connections like this this could be huge and then I have a local copacker that's beautiful that's all that's all I ever wanted. So I hear about this grand opening right but I can't find any details for it online. I see random like LinkedIn postings of it I even ran into someone at the coffee at a coffee shop who works there and they're like you should come to the grand opening I was like that's great when is it they tell me when it is but I was like I kind of would like a little more information like I don't know I didn't like the fact that one of the employees is like yeah just come it's on this date I was like I'm gonna need a little bit more than that like what's the dress code? I need a little more information so what did I do right next oh I'm psychotic. So I drove there I drove to the building I found it online days before the event even like a week before yeah probably like a week before the event and I see someone outside and at first I try to go in and then she stops me and she kind of kind of had some negative energy too and she's like what are you doing? And also like at this point keep in mind I'm in like business casual clothes. Like I who am I a threat to? I'm in my little heels like what am I gonna do? And I tell her I'm like oh I'm interested in the grand opening and she's like oh well you're gonna need a call for more information like they're not on lunch. I don't know they were gone at the office building for some reason. So I was like okay what's the number and she's kind of giving me like a skeptic look and I was like it's like I don't who do you think I am? She's acting like I was a spy which like maybe she th I don't know what she thought. So she gives me a number to call I call corporate I'm like hey corporate it's me your girl how do I get invited to this and they were like it's actually only for family and friends like it's invite only so you can't attend and I was like that's just not now I'm getting more stubborn. I'm like that's just not enough for me like how so I need to find someone who like works there? Like what do you what are you talking about? And like it's just like really it's really just like invite only. So I'm like okay thank you so much. I hang up before I think I had even emailed them before I went to the location I wasn't just psycho off the bat I emailed them first and I was like hey heard about this no response. So then LinkedIn LinkedIn is my best friend I find someone who I used to go to school with at my college and I see that they work there. Yeah yeah I'm crazy. So then I messaged and was like hey so kind of really freaking random but I'm sorry this company was really interested in maybe like talk to some people there. If it's too much of an ask I was like just say the word I know it's kind of crazy. We haven't spoken in like ever and the dude was so nice. He's like oh absolutely like I will get you in I'll add you to my list as family and friends but I don't have like I have a few people coming but I still have a lot more room so yeah come come on down it's at this time it's at this date I'm gonna give my family a tour first and then afterwards I can give you like a one-on-one tour. Love love I was so happy I was like oh my gosh like this is networking this is what the people talk about so it's the day of the event I put on my business casual clothes part two. Keep in mind the lady I had spoken to on the phone not pleasant. I could tell she was annoyed by me but I'm not really sure why and I show up to this event it's huge they have like all these different food vendors they have so many like cute little ice cream popcorn really cool event and I park and I'm feeling a little nervous even though like he had invite he invited me. He added me to his list that was all you know good but I still just the way again people's energy is so strong sometimes and just the way it affected me I walked in there feeling like I didn't belong and I really hate that really hated that I walked in even feeling that way like I just wasn't confident when I walked in but I'm all about fake it till you make it so I walked in with my fake confidence and I started walking around he told me to grab some food because he was doing the tour with his family but I was like again like I'm just feeling a little anksy like I don't really feel like I belong and I walk around I saw and this is important to the story this is not me like power to you I support this do not get me wrong I saw a pregnant lady wearing booty shorts and a crop top okay just keep keep that visual in mind for later again not judging it not knocking it at all and then I also see people wearing like suits and then I see people wearing overalls I see people wearing button ups there's a huge variety okay so just like really fully full variety of outfits going on okay I'm doing a little lap around I see some of their products too so I'm looking at it and then this lady starts marching up to me boom boom boom boom boom like literally marching and I can just feel her energy from a mile away like I turn around and I see her like marching towards me and I have like a light smile on my face and I'm just like taking a deep breath in being like okay like whatever happens right now I am going to be okay with and then she says hi and already you you guys get the hi and I was like hello hi I'm and then I just pretend like I don't even notice her negative energy I'm like hi and I reach my hand I'm like I um so I was like I'm Maya it's nice to meet you she's like I actually I reached my handout and I'm about to say my name and she's I don't even know if she shook my hand she said like you're Maya right which already kind of weird because girl how do you know my name you know how do you know my name a common like guess would be like oh maybe she's seen me on social media before but you know still a little strange to be met with negative strong med energy like that and then be like you're Maya right and I was like yes yes it's so nice to meet you I'm Maya and then she's I don't even know if she said her name she's and then she says you can't be here and I started looking around because I'm like is this a joke she's getting audibly louder to the point where people start like turning their heads around being like who can't be here right now who can't be here and then I'm just like smiling and I'm like right but I was invited like I'm just trying to stay as composed as possible. I'm like right but I was invited she's like well who invited you and then I said his name and she's like well it's just it's just really strange that you're here right now and I was like okay keep in mind this is like the VP of sales or marketing or something like that. So this is like you know one of the head honchos. You just can't be here right now it's it's just really strange and weird that you're here. And it was like she was saying all my insecurities like it's like I walked in there thinking all these things and I feel like because of that I don't know I don't know if she knew it somehow but like it's like she was saying verbatim the things that I had feared the most I I didn't feel like I belonged there. I felt like I looked out of place and she's telling me all these things and I was like me looking at my my work pants my my dumbass button up shirt that's so uncomfortable on my heels I'm like how do I look like I not belong what are you talking about and she's like it's just yeah people keep staring actually they keep staring at you and I was like what I was like there's a pregnant lady in booty shorts and a crop top people are staring at me what she's like people are just staring at you a lot because like you just don't you don't belong here first of all again first of all again there can't be a first of all again I don't know seventh of all for all I know I can't keep track this event had over a hundred people there you're telling me everyone was looking at me and that I couldn't feel that also you think I wouldn't be able to feel that the fury yeah she's yelling at me telling me that stuff she doesn't believe me she's like oh like so and so invited you like I say I say his name and she's like so and so who and then I'm like I can like and I say his last name I'm like he works in the da la and of course she doesn't know either because this is like a big ass company she's like I can't believe this happened she's yelling at me and the people on that area are looking around like what the fuck is going on right now she like was trying to get me to leave and I almost did but she but she wasn't directly saying like you need to go and even if she was I don't think I would have again I'm crazy so I just like stood there I was like right we got he's she's like well where is he and I was like he's giving his family a tour right now I also don't want to give too much information because I was like I don't want this guy to get in trouble like he helped me get here this is an invite event I'm invited and it's like I'm not causing a ruckus I'm not eating everyone's food I'm not eating any food like I was like what's going on right now and um yeah that's all I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't know how to handle it. I was she said all that stuff to me she she said it's just really weird you're here everyone's really weirded out that you're here and they're staring at you and then also this is how I was like okay I feel like she looked me up and then was trying to like actually get to my like insecurities or try to try to like I don't know diminish my ego or something. Again not that I have a big ego I'm just trying to fake my confidence and fake it till I make it that's it and I and what really got me is she's like no one even knows who you are that was extra weird because I was like this this isn't an event this is not an event that like the mayor's at like there there's just a whole bunch of family and friends here. It's not like a networking opportunity I just wanted to come to see the facility I was like I I wouldn't even know what to say to that I was I was just like mmm right I was like okay I'm gonna wait for him to give me my tour and then I and then she's like it's just really weird you're here and then she patted me which she patted me she gave me a pat pat and then said it's weird I'm there again for like the eighth time and then walked away and then I had sunglasses so I put my sunglasses on and I just sat down in the corner and I just cried a little bit and I was just like looking around like wipe that tear I'm gonna look away now and I didn't know what to do because I knew outsider looking in outer body experience I knew that I was fine there and I wasn't doing anything wrong but it's so hard when someone's yelling at you so intensely like that you start to question you know instead of coming out he was like sorry it took me so long and I was like no you're good you're good we went on a tour of it he was so nice it was so hard for me to shake that though like he was trying to talk to me and tell me ask me if I have questions introduce me to people but I hated that that lady was in my head and all those mean things she said of me not belonging it just I could feel like getting to me and I hated that it was like getting it was shrinking me down to that level like I hated that she was achieving her goal of making me feel not welcome which by the way even if I was like there is no place where anyone should make anyone feel unwelcome. If anyone does that to you they are trying to gatekeep you from something because no one in their right mind like I don't care what sort of event or occasion it is at all like if someone comes into a space and you treat them that way with unwelcoming uninviting energy what's the point like I don't know I'm just I don't I don't I really do not get it at all because also like what if I was a super obviously I'm not but what if I was like a super high paying customer and I was like I want a million cans to go out or what if I get to that point someday it's like I'm going to remember this forever. So for one it was just a bad like business model that that lady's got going on. For two, yeah sometimes there's really not a seat for you at the table so then bring your own damn chair I love when people say that but looking back and reflecting out of all these weird energy moments that have happened to me lately it really made me reflect on that one and thinking I'm so glad I did do that. I'm glad that I stood my ground and I look back and I don't have any regrets. Again I had moments after that where I was like I wish I slapped her I wish I cussed her out and I had some of those negative thoughts how could you not but looking back like I'm so proud of how I handled things in that situation. Old me would have left and fled and been like I got kicked out but I didn't you know what even if I did I really would have tried hard to stay part of the reason I was looking around too when she was yelling at me I was like is security going to like take me off out right now like I I don't even know there was children there. I'm just like what are you talking about? So weird so weird. I used to walk into places with the mindset of like I hope that people approve of me here. I hope that I'm wanted in this space and now I don't do that. And again it's not because of an ego thing of like I belong here. But everyone belongs everywhere like there aren't spaces that anyone should walk into feeling like they don't belong there. If they don't again that says way more about the people than it does about you. How this all connected to me like I am just so actually shocked too of how I worked my way backwards of the bracelet incident to that other lady telling me that I should stick to content to being heckled to that. I'm so glad that I saw the babyest connection in each of these to making actually finally move on from all of them because I feel like I still had so much pent up resentment of how I handled that situation of that lady and being like it just doesn't make sense why and how people can treat other people this way. But I really do think it is because experiencing these things not only will make me stronger like they already have you know but again I just really really pray and hope that it will set the way or help set the way for other female entrepreneurs that come into spaces or even content creators. Like it has happened on both sides before of people talking down about my content or talking down about anything business related and I and that's just not how we should be treated women or not even just women just anyone passionate about anything that they're going for to diminish someone's dreams like that is more of a reason of why we need to pursue our dreams and passions and not let people hold us down like this. I didn't realize I was giving a motivational speech but to actually give even more of a motivational speech I want to talk about how all when I realized all of these things connecting. Obviously I worked my way backwards from the bracelet incident to the lady telling me to stick to content to the heckler to the sales VP lady. What connected it was I was actually at the Fox theater the other day. I was at this theater in town and we were trying to find our seats and then they had us go to the balcony and then they had us go back down to get to our seats then we had to go up again and it was this whole thing right it was mostly just us not knowing where to go. But there was a point we had to go back upstairs okay stick with me stick with me on the visual here we had to go back upstairs but to go upstairs we needed to go up a couple steps and then down a few and then back up again. And while we were doing that my whole f my family was there and my dad said something about it being funny that we had to go back down to go up again. And that really stuck in my head I was like oh we did have to go back down to go up again. And then it also reminded me of what I say quite a bit and it reminded me of that advice that I gave like episode one of why I started this podcast why I started pretty much anything it was that advice that I was given of you don't have to see the all the steps in front of you to get to the top you just need to see the next one in front of you and then take it and then take it again and take it again. When I picture that staircase in my head though I picture it being linear you know I picture it just going up and up and up and up and up I forgot that sometimes to go up you do have to go down a couple steps and that it's not a bad thing. Like you are still moving forward when you go down a couple steps too. I don't know why that like makes me want to cry but I'm just so passionate about that that sometimes to go up you really do have to go down. Sometimes people do you know beat up on you a little bit you do take some dips in your energy but in the end like you still are moving forward and you should still be proud of yourself for that like looking back at how I handled all those situations I am proud of how I handled most of them not even how I handle them though I'm proud of like how it feels on the inside to be walking away from those conversations from those interactions with people I know again like me two years ago one of those things could have happened to me and I would have been like I'm out I'm done I feel like it has been building up just me as a person of what I can handle and whose opinions actually matter to me and just force me more to focus on my values and my goals and reflect back on the other person. Like in each of these situations I look back and I'm like that's an upset person. Something's going on in their life with their mental health like something is wrong where they feel like they have to project that stuff onto me and now I just like take it and I'm like okay like I pluck it off of me and I'm like I'm taking my energy back from those situations. And it feels really good. And I really feel like this was a cathartic experience to share all this with you guys. Again if just one person got something from this that is a win. I was worried that I would share this stuff and feel like I was reliving some of it. And there were some cases that I did but overall like I am so happy that I got to share these moments with you guys. I do hope that you got something from it. And I really hope that you remember the staircase metaphor next time that you are going down or going through something like one of the things my best friend and I love to say to each other if we're going through a hard time we always would say this especially when I was in college and being like finals and all this stuff we'd always be like or even breakups like in the past breakups getting cheated on different things that happened to me we've always been like this sadness, this feeling this whatever you're feeling this will pass. Like this too shall pass for real. Whatever you're going through like it will it will get better. You will go up those stairs again it's not just gonna you're gonna go down you might go you sometimes you have to go down a couple stairs to go back up again that really is the truth but also then you know like something f good is about to happen to you. I really do believe that and I hope that you guys too I hope that you guys too I didn't finish the sentence I hope that you guys do too I love seeing how many of you guys listen to this ep I love seeing how many of you guys listen to these episodes and I I I'm just so grateful to have this space that we have created and this little family. Please let me know what you want to hear see next episode and I'll talk to you guys so very soon. Don't forget to follow Instagram at BusygirlEra or at Maya Selena's I love you guys